Things I Learned On My Vacation

Things I Learned On My Vacation

Andy Cohen shares some wisdom aquired in Europe.

1. LISTEN TO JOAN COLLINS! Especially when she's topped by a black cowboy hat and sipping Chateau Barbyrol in St. Tropez! The Dynasty-Diva told us not to check our luggage when we flew to Rome, and that the Rome airport is the number one place to lose luggage. Hey guess who lost their checked luggage in Rome! Why oh why did I listen so intently to her stories about touring in "Legends!" with Linder Evans, and not too intently about luggage woes? Well, it's obvious why... but one learns.

2. THE FUTURE LIES IN NUIT BLANCHE! Anyone who reads this blog knows that I love a French Pharmacy because of their liberal over-the-counter policies of pills laced with all sorts of American naughties. My current obsession is Nuit Blanche, a hangover pill laced with codeine and caffeine and I don't even know what else. As I can attest today, two of them in the AM do me just fine. Keep checking this space to see if I become a Nuit Blanche addict - haha! They're legal in France!

3. EVA AND TONY DIDN'T GET IT ALL RIGHT! I returned to the States and insane, around the clock coverage of Eva Longoria and Tony Parker's wedding. Insane because, does anybody care? Anyway, if you believe what you hear, the biggest super couple this side of Harry Hamlin and Lisa Rinna had the wedding of the century. Let me give you a tip, they had their joint bachelor and bachelorette party at a club in St. Tropez called the VIP Room. The issue is: do Vippers have Vipper events at a place blatantly referring to their Vipperdom? I don't think so, but what do I know?

4. POOR DIANA! I read Tina Brown's Diana book and came away feeling horrible about the entire Diana affair, top to bottom. Was Diana cuckoo? You bet! But the story didn't have to be so ruthlessly demented because the entire Royal Family is without it's marbles, too. (When families 'do it' with their own cousins, they turn crazy and not cute.) Mistakes were made from the moment she met Chazzy and everybody's culpable, from the Queen to Diana to the media. Even I feel like I am to blame for a story that seems like it might've had a happy ending. The book, by the way, reads like one loooong magazine article. I couldn't put it down.

5. LISTEN TO JOAN: PART 2! Roman luggage woes aren't reserved for the multiple campuses of Rome's Middle Eastern-like Airports. I shipped my suits and tuxedo to Rome via Luggage Express seven days before I arrived. Smart, right? They fell into a black hole of Roma lost waybills, undocumented worker strikes, unanswered questions, and the land of never-to-be-seen again... The great news is that the company told me I wouldn't be charged for the delivery which never occurred! We got word yesterday that the luggage had been found, in Rome.

6. TABLET CHOC! From the makers of Nuit Blanche, comes a pill that makes your stomach as hard as a rock, without any of the troublesome work outs normally associated with 8-packs! That's what the box says, or what I say, and I'm sticking with that. I'll let ya know.

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