Melissa in Wonderland

Melissa in Wonderland

Andy Cohen shares some salacious high points of Melissa Gilbert's book, 'Prairie Tale.'

If I thought Monday night's Alice in Wonderland screening was a shroomy, tripindicular adventure, last night I went even deeper. I finally started reading Melissa Gilbert's Prairie Tale, and, um ... it is whack.

Every page is chock full of insanity. It's a romp in over-sharing, about herself, her family, her co-stars, you name it.

Here is what I know, from 100 pages in:

* Michael Landon had a terrible temper and always smelled like booze. He also was her second daddy, helped her to cry on cue, was supercool and supersexy, and kind of disappeared from Little House after he left his wife ("Aunt Lynn") for a makeup lady.

* Melissa was repulsed by the hot blond dude who played "Alonzo" on Little House. And she did not care ONE BIT for her TV sister, Melissa Sue Anderson. Not ONE BIT!

* After Melissa lost her virginity, she was a little less repulsed by the dude who played "Alonzo". (She didn't lose it to him, and I don't think they ever did it though she's doing it with Rob Lowe right now in the book so maybe that's to come.)

* She had her own production company and played Helen Keller and Anne Frank in the course of a year for TV movies, which makes her something of the Dakota Fanning of the '70s.

* Her mother was bonkers but beautiful. She loved AND hated her.

Like I said I am only about 100 pages in and those are only BULLETS of what's happened so far. I am in a hurry so I can't share more with you.

Don't forget that Tabatha is the guest judge on Shear Genius tonight and I am the resident "expert" on "Real Housewives of Millionaire" week.  At this moment I am one for one. Stay tuned to see how big a fool I do, or do not, make of myself.

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