C Is For Cloris

C Is For Cloris

Andy Cohen dishes on Rachel Zoe and 'Dancing with the Stars'.

Hey there from Los Angeles, where people can't seem to stop talking about "The Rachel Zoe Project". And guess what, there's a new episode on tonight! As much as I'd heard what a polarizing figure Rachel is, I wasn't ready for all the shit that's thrown at her from every direction.

Last week's review of the show in the NEW YORK TIMES was case in point. The "review" read like a personal attack to me, but Rachel took it in great stride. I was equally blown away on Saturday when an amazing column appeared in the HuffPo called "Defending Rachel Zoe". The column details the Times review, which called Zoe, among other things, "a pox on humanity."

"Call her a pox on humanity," HuffPo says, "but don't deny -- she's a beauty mark on the drab face of uninspired television." I like it! So yeah, there's a new episode tonight. Like I said. Rachel deals with the wrath of bloggers during fashion week. Decide for yourself and let me know what you think.

My BlackBerry started jiggling like Esther Rolle yesterday around 5 PM PST with reportage from the East Coast on the insanity of the "Dancing with the Stars" premiere. Bravo exec Jerry Leo even emailed from the audience where he sat with the Jenners, Jamie Lynn Sigler, Robin Givens, David Charvet, Joey Fatone, Mr. Lucci (Helmut Huber), Shannon Elizabeth, Marlee Matlin, and Mel B... That's an audience! (I digress to say that Dolly, Jane and Lily plus Dabney Coleman were in the audience for the world premiere of "9 to 5" the Musical in LA Saturday night. It's directed by the genius Joe Mantello so check it out if you're in LA and you can say you saw it 'when'....).

So back to Jerry's email, which said that the "Dancing" premiere was not to be missed. I cancelled my plans and ordered room service. I haven't seen much of the show save Marie's faint, so I am always amazed at how damn cheap the show looks and how ugly the costumes are. Do they make it look kitchy and bad on PURPOSE to invoke some kind of musty, crappy dancehall? Or do they not realize it or does mass equal crap or what? Can someone from ABC buzz me re: this?

Like "Big Brother", I could ultimately give a crap about the cheap set because the train wreck at hand was so monumentally delish. (And nutrish.) There was so much to see, from Toni Braxton's fake boobs to Kim Kardashian kind of coming off 'classy' to Rocco being supercute and not a swan (yet)... It was all there.

I saw Lance Bass Friday night and he was handicapping the dancers and, sage popstar that he is, he was dead on. He kicked ass and was sweet as ever, by the way. The real headlines for me were Cloris and her beautiful 82 year old breasts, and La Looch. Cloris is a classic and there's just no way around it. I'd heard years ago that she was begging to reprise her role in "Young Frankenstein" when it was adapted for Broadway but Mel Brooks said no because he wasn't sure and 80 year old could deal with the rigors of the schedule. This lady is in the ring and ready to go. I voted for her.

I could write a book about Lucci, but the point is she played it too safe last night and the judges told her to let loose. Oh and Carrie Ann Inaba told her to GAIN SOME WEIGHT and that she looked FRAIL. So I don't think she was loving that comment one bit. She is really not used to being herself raw and unscripted on TV and as a result was all sorts of emotion all over the place and all that percolated into a cup of java that was fascinating for moi to slurp. Her scores were low, a 15. I want her in the show and she seems very anxious to be kept in the game and I don't like her anxious. I voted for Looch too.

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