Sometimes it takes an overwhelming breakdown to have an undeniable breakthrough. That is exactly what happened to me in this week's episode.
While watching myself back and thinking about all that happened that night at Dorinda’s, I truly know that however I behaved—or as I say reacted—to Bethenny was truly a burst of so many things I have wanted to say. I was so frustrated at the way things were going. She didn’t even give me an opportunity to explain why I said what I said that night at dinner in the Hamptons. That is so frustrating. So manipulative. Bethenny really knew that she was going to push my buttons enough for me to react the way I did. What I am most sorry about now is that I let it happen. I should have just been as cold and indifferent the way she was. I did think I had a friendship with Bethenny. It may not have been the perfect friendship, but it was a friendship. I think I missed the signals for sure that she really didn’t care enough ever to be my friend, except when she needed me or needed something from me. She never really cared about us. It's never one-sided, that is for sure, but certainly not jealously. I have no reason to be jealous of her.
Then when I watched how she talked about me during her interviews! Wow, yes wow, like really! How mean can she get? She really is a bully. I do not think she realizes what she says to others, nor do I think she really cares. That’s not about being BReal or BStrong. I call it BBully.
You can’t always play the victim while being the bully.
In closing, just to clarify something, I did not leave my guest room at Dorinda’s a mess. I actually packed for Sonja (as you saw). I did make the bed!
As far as the paint coming off in the corners of the room, that happened because when I went to go to sleep that night everyone was already asleep. My room was lit up like a football stadium at a night game, because the lights from filming were all still up. I know that in the past the crew uses double-sided tape to put them up, so I just pulled them down. I guess I was stronger than I thought! Therefore, yes, the paint came off the wall. A little freshening up with a new coat of paint never hurt a room!