The Sucklord Recasts Jerry Saltz as an Action Figure

The Sucklord Recasts Jerry Saltz as an Action Figure

"I'm just happy he didn't dress me as a clown," the Work of Art critic says.

By Colleen Werthmann

Work of Art may have wrapped up last night, but memories of The Sucklord will undoubtedly die hard. The preening, bon mot-tossing, action figure-employing, pop-culture hound's harshest critic on the show may have been Jerry Saltz, and since getting the heave-ho from the show a few weeks ago, the artist has exacted revenge as only a Sucklord can – by creating a Jerry Saltz action figure. Sucklord even immortalized host China Chow and mentor Simon de Pury as well (yes, they are available in a Work of Art 3-pack).

(Check out more of The Sucklord's work in his portfolio.)

Of course, no critic could resist taking this sort of bait, so naturally Jerry took it upon himself to review the action figure for New York Magazine.

Jerry writes, "The Sucklord, the show's Star Wars-obsessed maker of mutant miniature figures who we voted off several weeks ago, has made what he calls "a glow-in-the-dark toy of a bald, Jewish art critic.' Wow! My own Super Jew Guru action figure!"

Jerry took the work in stride, writing, "People on my Facebook page started writing about either making this figure do naughty things or the anti-Semitism of Sucklord's description. But I often harp about the use of lenses like 'black woman artist' and 'gay Hispanic artist' employed by the art world while no one talks about roly-poly balding Jewish art critics. Sucklord is no anti-Semite."

But what about the figure itself? Jerry has fun with the toy's key features, noting, "He did give me more hair than Paul [Shaffer] has, although the 'do looks slightly tonsured, like a monk's. My glasses are a little bit Bono, but my chest is very manly-man. I may be imagining this, but I am apparently very well hung, or my pants have a low crotch. Such are the deficiencies, or joys, of cast plastic."

The idea of an art critic action figure makes gives Jerry a pang.  He ends his review, "I feel sorry for kids out there [who will] make this figure fly into museums, get medieval on shows, eat pizza alone between gallery visits in Chelsea, and then possibly grow up to meet weekly deadlines that drive him or her batty... Mostly, I'm just happy Sucklord didn't dress me as a clown — although he does seem to have outfitted me, as the wardrobe department did, in man-Spanx."

What do you think of The Sucklord's figure: clever or petty?  Start a Tweet Battle and make your case.

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