Just when you think things can’t get any worse, you meet Tina Pray. I mean seriously, can’t I catch a break this week?! The biggest thing I push my clients to do, especially if they get dumped or rejected, is to get right back up on that horse and NOT to dwell on the past. As a matchmaker, I know there is someone for everyone. Everyone has a match, everyone has a true love, and it’s my job to find it for my clients -- even if they begin to doubt themselves.
But now that for the first time in a very long time it’s my own feelings and my own heart that feels twisted in knots and beat up, and I’m realizing how much it really does sting to be rejected. It makes me want to be there for my clients even more whenever they need me. As for me, the I-just-got-dumped-depression has set in over the past few days. This time it’s me, not a client, who needs a good “Amy pep talk.” One problem: it doesn’t work as well when I try to do this for myself. Whenever a client is going through heartbreak, I’d throw my dumped or hurt client right back in that dating river with a bunch of great matches to distract them and keep putting that bug in their ear: “These matches this week are way hotter and way better then the chick who dumped you anyway!” It’s how my clients keep from sinking into the blues, and it works. Yet here I am, feeling like a loser and not quite knowing what to do with all of these bad feelings. I haven’t felt like myself, and I’m finding I can’t even get out of bed. It was time to get out of Manhattan, and the best person to reach out to was Joseph. I’m grateful to Joe -- we’ve been friends for years -- because he’s always there for me. And Greenwich, CT can be the perfect remedy.
Thinking about how my “retreat to Greenwich” started off, part of me is laughing and part of me is horrified. Talk about the client from hell. Not only did I agree as a favor to stop by first to Tina Pray’s home to consider taking her as a client -- even though I was supposed to be taking a break from work for the weekend -- but I even invited her to Joseph’s party afterwards. Huge mistake. During the meeting with Tina, I thought something was a little strange about her. First she tells me she’s not seeing anyone, then the next second she’s telling me she’s been sleeping with “a friend she’s known for 30 years.”
She’s warm and friendly, then turns resistant and stubborn. She continues to tell me she’s “fired two husbands” and she’s still a savvy dater so doesn’t really need my advice when I throw her back into the dating pool. Oh, really? I think, “Hello!? I didn’t want what has been happening to me lately to happen to her. People get rusty when they don’t date for years!” I require anyone who wants to work with me to be honest and trust me to guide them. If they know it all, they don’t need my help and shouldn’t hire me. See how that goes for you. But if you do want to work with me and allow me get you to success, well, you have to let me do what I do best. There was something very off about this whole Tina meeting, but at the time I could not put my finger on it.Later that evening, I could put my finger on it easily when Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde showed up at Joseph’s party. And I’d have put my finger directly on the Emergency Eject button if I had one that evening. Within 30 seconds of her walking through the door, I could tell someone was up to no good -- there was a weird tension in the air. The next thing I know, Tina approaches me, completely passive aggressively, on a mission to pick a fight and embarrass me in front of everyone. Never in my life have I had something like this happen! Normally if a client questioned my rules, it would be in my office. We’d talk about why they should follow them and how my guidance would help them in the process of finding them true love. This was the wrong environment. Clearly it was Tina’s intention not to leave this party without a blowout. I was not about to play this game and decided to shut it down the moment I saw what she was trying to do.
After humiliating herself and then knocking my own drink out of my hand as she tried to grab me (yet claiming I threw my drink on her!), thank goodness she and her friend bolted. My Greenwich retreat had turned miserable. I mean, could my week GET ANY WORSE?
In typical Joe style, he saved me from spiraling into a state of misery and encouraged me to have a great date with Scott. Scott, we all know, is generally not my type at all. Yet he had the confidence to walk right up to me and ask me out. So naturally, there was something appealing in that. The morning after the party, I was so tempted to cancel and just stay under the covers all day in bed. In true form, being the great friend Joe is, he wouldn’t let me do that. Again, so thankful for that.
Scott is one of the coolest guys I have met in a while. My date with Scott felt so different than my dates with AB or Lewis. And I quickly realized that with Scott I was starting to feel comfortable, happy, and was even -- GASP! -- having a little bit of fun! I like these kinds of dates! Is this what a truly good date feels like? I only want these from now on, please! I like not feeling insecure, not having to impress anyone, not feeling criticized when I’m trying to be good enough for another person. This pretty much rocks. Scott was exactly who I needed to meet. My date with him knocked some sense into me. For the first time in a while I was thoroughly enjoying myself, I forgot about my problems, I was laughing and simply having fun being around him. Turns out I might have forgotten what it felt like to be with a guy and feel HAPPY.
And I even enjoyed a piece of pumpkin pie without giving a rat’s ass about the nutritional content! A sure sign of my being on a good date and in a better place. Now when I tell my clients to get back on the horse, I’ll know exactly how hard it is to do, and how great it can feel when you do it.
See you next week!