Our next photo shoot was supposed to be all about emotions. We were in a mirrored box and had to show an emotion. I was feeling really down today and I was very sick. I had a really bad sinus infection that made me feel like I was going to pass out and a bad chest cold that made it difficult to breathe. So it was pretty much a shitty day. I tried to show vulnerability and a person who doesn’t recognize themselves when they look in the mirror. The winners got to go to Montreal Fashion Week and walk in the show. I was actually relieved I didn’t win because I felt like such shit.
I no longer cared about anything because I couldn’t handle living in a house with a bunch of catty bitches that wanted nothing more than to make everyone else miserable.
Our runway this week was the most humiliating out of them all. I’m so embarrassed just thinking about it. We all looked so stupid. It was called “beautiful freaks” and we were told to tell a story and just be weird walking down the runway. I was so unhappy with my outfit. I was put in a tiny thong with a prosthetic leg and a beaded shirt that showed lots of cleavage. I looked like a hooker on drugs. My ass was completely exposed and I was not feeling good about publicly humiliating myself. The leg they had me wear had tiny screws that cut my legs up and we had to stand there in pain for hours. Apparently the stupid c*nt bitch guest judge wanted to punch me in the face for being in pain as she sat her ass in a chair comfortably waiting for an elimination. I was so f**king mad about everything at this point. I felt defeated and I felt alone. I was so unhappy that Shawn was eliminated. He was the only person who took the time to get to know me, and when I heard the things that were said to him I wanted to quit. I no longer cared about anything because I couldn’t handle living in a house with a bunch of catty bitches that wanted nothing more than to make everyone else miserable.