Welcome back foodie fans.
This week Roblé dazzled us with not one but two amazing guests -- The Real Housewives of Atlanta star Kandi Burruss and Hassidic rapper Matisyahu. As someone who probably listened to "King Without a Crown" roughly 200 times during college, I was pretty excited about the second, particularly since I was super curious to see how Bleezie handled the myriad restrictions the 'Ya (is that his nickname, or would it just be Mat?) had. Also, how can you not be excited about a Kandi sex toy party? Let's recap.
Fun with Sorbet
So Roblé meets with Matisyahu and perhaps fibs a bit about his mastery of kosher food. Couple that with Ya's mother-in-law's numerous requests, and this party is going to be a doozie. A rabbi will be on hand at all times, as though this is a brisk (or some other religious event) to ensure the food's kosher (and also vegan, but that's just Matisyahu's choice). And Matisyahu has never had a party before, so don't ruin his first time at bat Bleezie. (That fact made me super sad. Have parties people! Parties are the best!) Don't fret, "We can have fun with sorbet." Can we Matisyahu? Can we?
And so the Rabbi-fication of Roblé’s meal begins. Roblé mentions that the load in to the kitchen is tougher than customs, and I agree with him and Adam. It was one body scan away from a trip to Paris via JFK. He can't even turn on the fire as a man not of the cloth! The mint must be watched individually. Then the kosher rental company's plates aren't exactly kosher -- as their coverd in hair. I had a major chuckle over the castara about "human DNA on all these plates," since obviously if tiny mint bugs aren't kosher these plates are not even close to cutting it.
But, after some plastic plates saved the day, the party was on point. I'm doing to have dreams about that mushroom salad for weeks. A kosher wine fight even erupts (for his first party this got cray pretty quick). They even pick Jasmine up in the chair. Good times!
No Sex in the Family Room
To break from the post-party download for a second, let's discuss sex toys -- surely to the chagrin of Roblé and Ché Gravy. I can't blame Roblé for maybe not wanting to hear about Jasmine's adventures in the land of battery-operated delights, but seriously these dudes were freaked.
I particularly appreciate Che's dissertation on what vibrators can't do for you. Why do I feel like he could be slipping little sheets of paper printed with that manifesto into all of the gift bags before this party is over? "Who you gonna talk to?!" And seeing how excited Kiku was when she finally got her gift bag was incredible. Who knows if she'll ever make it to work again.
A Fluster Cluck
Anyway, the Co. gets underway planning Kandi's party (even if Adam is more familiar with Fender guitars, classic rock, and aquariums). Adam apparently has a soul food background (obviously he's so soulful in his little shorts and flops), so he can prepares to make the collard greens of his life. I already trust him because he brought Roblé and Kiku to Gorilla Coffee, which is right near my apartment and delicious. If you're in the 'hood try the maple latte. However, be warned that the coffee smell in that place is intense. I've ruined many a bottle of water going in there and finding it has a strong odor of caffeine after leaving.
The food at this shindig looked particuarly ridiculous. Maybe it was because I'm Southern, or maybe it is just because I'm a meat eater with eyes, but I don't think I've wanted to eat something as badly as I've wanted to eat that duck mac and cheese in a long time. Then Roblé had some sexy peach push pops that were the perfect accompaniment to a burlesque dancer, even if Kandi hated it. . .
Yeah she didn't exactly love that burlesque dancer. As Shawn remarked, "this was on unhappy Housewife." You can't blame Jazz for wanting to find the a performance that "empowered woman" but that's not exactly Kandi's scene. Next time find a man that doesn't just "flap his ding-dong around" and maybe you'll please your client a little more. Jazz should have read the reservations in Kandi's face initially and held off, but hey you live and learn.
But the rest of the party was perfect -– especially since the waiters took their shirts off -- and since Adam's collards were worthy of Kandi's props. Yes, after letting "Situation Marination" do its thing, Adam's collards were a success. Adam was blushing a little bit. It just proves that those nerds can come out from behind the aquarium and learn something at any time.
Monday (yes, Monday, December 12) is another new episode with none other than Vanessa Williams! We decided not to make you wait, because we care!